Successful people make it their business to be conscious of what and who matters most in their lives. Their daily actions are derived from their values. They strive to do what they can to make things better for the people who depend on them and on whom they depend, in all the different parts of their lives. Finding a balance between the people they work with and the people they live with is an issue of importance to men, women, and employers.
According to a study presented at the University of Maine, today nearly 50 percent of families have two wage earners, and less than one-fifth of families are “traditional” breadwinner/homemaker families. Research suggests that when adults add children to their family, men and women tend to become more traditional in how they divide workloads— that is, tasks become delegated by old-fashioned gender roles rather than by interest or ability. Realistically, to delegate in a manner that results in a successful division of labor, adults may need to become even less traditional than they were before becoming parents.
The stress related to the juggling act of balancing work and family life comes from two primary sources called “role strain” and “spillover.” Role strain occurs when the responsibilities of one role interfere with those of another. For example, a job that requires long hours or extensive travel may have a negative impact on a partnership or parenting role. Spillover, on the other hand, occurs when the conditions and relationships in one area of our lives affect us in another area. For example, inflexible work hours or a less-than-positive work environment can have a negative impact on your family life. Family concerns, such as an unsupportive partner, inequities in the division of housework and child care, significant health problems in family members, or changing childcare arrangements can have a negative impact on your work.
To help balance work and family, here are four action items to consider:
Setting priorities is central to effective time management. Even when we are efficient in using our time, we may not be effective. Just because we “do things right” doesn’t mean we do the right things. Our relational goals may be harder to master because they change from day to day and therefore are harder to identify and schedule. We need to keep in mind what our priorities are as far as relational and material goals, then define daily which acts will propel us closer to them.
Even if you feel that both your work and family are important, you have to decide what takes precedence when both areas of your life need nurturing at one time, thus creating a conflict. You should not have to neglect one to take care of the other, so determine which one is the most pressing at the time. For example, if your child is sick but you have to go to work, you should choose to stay with your child because the sickness is more pressing than a regular day at work. In contrast, preparing for a scheduled meeting should take precedence over a day at the park. Only you can decide what is needed to nurture your work and family. Don't beat yourself up if you find that a work obligation conflicts with a family commitment. Decide which should take precedence by determining the significance of each, and then learn from the experience.
You have to fulfill your responsibilities at work, but you may not always do the same at home. Sometimes you plan to do things with and for the family, and you don’t follow through. When you write down your goals and schedule them, you are making a commitment to doing them.
If you organize well, there should be no reason you cannot give time to the family. This means learning how to end your day at work and begin your day at home. This may also mean learning how to say "no" when a work colleague asks you to help on a project that you just cannot fit into your schedule.
Goals help to define how we use our time. Goals are shown in statements like, “I want to have three solid legs in my downline in six months,” or, “I want to be a Gold Director by the next LiFEvention.” Our values underlie our goals and give us the “push” to move toward achieving those goals. The values underlying these two goal statements might include a high regard for achievement and earnings.
Goals may be either concrete, like the two examples above, or relational, such as raising responsible children, building supportive friendships, or cultivating deeper connections to our community. To ease role strain, we can choose to put some goals on hold, let go of some, and modify others.
Attitudes and expectations that don’t fit with our needs today can also create conflict and stress. Many of us have high expectations about being everything to everybody, performing all of our roles well or being “perfect.” The result can be burnout or feeling exhausted, irritable and angry. We can choose to change or modify the attitudes and expectations that no longer support us.
Many times we attempt to do everything ourselves, because this gives us a sense of being in control. Unfortunately, this is the very behavior that can prevent us from reaching our goals.
To accomplish needs and wants, we can delegate or divide the workload. Understanding the emotional satisfaction we get from performing certain tasks, and the power attached to some responsibilities, are important aspects of effectively delegating or dividing tasks.
Here are some ideas to help the family work together: